‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse… except for one yuppie, engrossed in Oprah’s latest diet fad. This 1988 parody of Clement Clarke Moore’s classic poem, penned by John Jennings for the Tucson Citizen, offers a hilarious glimpse into a Christmas Eve fueled by consumerism and status symbols.
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A Hilarious Take on a Christmas Classic
Jennings cleverly subverts the traditional imagery of a cozy Christmas Eve, replacing it with the trappings of 1980s upscale living. Gone are the visions of sugar plums; instead, we have Retin-A, mauve satin sheets, and a 20-foot spruce gracing a cathedral-ceilinged living room. The children’s stockings are replaced by overflowing closets bursting with “things tasteful and trendy.”
A Catalog of 80s Excess
The poem’s humor lies in its meticulous cataloging of material possessions. The children’s wish lists read like a snapshot of 1980s consumer culture: a hair crimper, a hard-disk computer, designer clothes, a dirt bike, Nintendo, a big-screen TV, a CD player, an electric guitar. Even the family dog gets a designer doggie sweater.
The parents fare no better, indulging in a Nautilus machine, a native-carved bone hairbrush, a BMW cellular phone, a Cuisinart system, a sushi maker, and, of course, the latest self-help books. This materialistic frenzy reaches its peak with the narrator’s own desired gifts: graphite gold clubs, a leather bag embossed with his name, and an L.L. Bean collapsible canoe.
St. Nick’s Surprise Visit
The poem’s climax arrives with Santa’s unexpected visit. Instead of delivering presents, however, Santa expresses his bewilderment at the family’s already overflowing bounty. He laments that they have everything imaginable, their names already on waiting lists for gadgets not yet invented.
A Commentary on Consumerism
Santa’s departure, not with a “Merry Christmas,” but a “Yuppie Christmas to all, and to all, gouda night,” provides a satirical sting in the tail. The poem serves as a gentle, yet pointed, commentary on the excesses of consumerism, reminding us that the true spirit of Christmas lies not in material possessions, but in something far more profound.
More Than Just a Parody
Jennings’ poem transcends mere parody, offering a witty and insightful reflection on the changing cultural landscape of the late 20th century. It’s a reminder that while the trappings of Christmas may evolve, the core values of generosity, compassion, and connection remain timeless. This ‘Twas The Night Before Christmas Parody is a humorous, yet thought-provoking, piece that resonates even today.